Back in the 1970’s I had 2 abortions. I grew up in a suburb outside of Cleveland. At the time, I was a young woman going to school and I felt that if I kept my baby that I would be a burden on my family. Because abortion was not legal in Ohio, we had to drive to the Planned Parenthood clinic in New York. We drove all night—I felt very tired and pregnant. My boyfriend drove and one of my sisters came with us. In the morning when we got to the clinic, the people inside were very indifferent to everyone, showing no emotion at all. After all, it was just a blob of tissue, as the culture reinforced time after time. I remember the bright fluorescent lighting and when I was in the surgical suite, I remember that Jesus showed himself to me with his Mournful Heart. Next I felt intense physical pain, which no one had told me would happen. On the way home, I thought I would feel relieved, but I did not. I felt like a dark cloud loomed over the car and my heart. Wait a minute, didn’t my family, friends, and culture tell me this was the best thing I could do for myself? My relationship with my boyfriend began to suffer and my life spiraled out of control. We broke up. This led to drug abuse, sexual promiscuity, and alcohol abuse. Then I met another man, a good man, but I found myself pregnant again and went for another abortion. My life at this time was so dark, murky and cloudy. It’s hard for me to remember anything of this abortion because all was darkness. My relationship with this man ended.
The culture never speaks of the effects of abortion on a woman, how unnatural it is for a woman to have an abortion. Not only is her baby crushed, but she is crushed as well from the inside out, physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. The real war on women in this country, and throughout the world, is sexual promiscuity and abortion. You delve into a world of numbness, anger, guilt, shame, hurt and fighting with people close to you. I found myself isolating myself from family and friends and having relationship problems. And you are supposed to go on as if nothing has happened.
I found myself drifting further from God and family. But as time went on, I mellowed some and began to pray the rosary daily. Then I went to a pro-life rally and heard a woman speak of a wonderful healing from her abortion that she received from God. So I embarked on a campaign for inner healing. Through a lot of prayer and seeking, I found inner healing at an ecumenical shrine called Maranatha Spring and Shrine, also through listening to EWTN, and by attending a retreat with Rachel’s Vineyard--which sealed the deal of my spiritual surgery. After 40 years of pain, I finally received God’s forgiveness and I am finally free of the enemy’s chains!
My journey for inner healing took over 40 years! At first I did not know my abortions were the source of all my ills. I did not know that my heart was encased in a huge abortion wound. I did not know how spiritually far it took me from God. I always felt empty inside with a huge weight and cloud that hung over me. Some woman described it as a hole way down deep inside that gets filled up with drugs, alcohol, disease, anxiety, numbness, depression, guilt, shame, eating disorders and the list goes on. But I received God’s Love, Mercy, and Truth. Truth is the one thing that is difficult to face—especially the truth about abortion. Abortion hurts women, it hurts men, it destroys relationships, and abortion is a weapon of mass destruction. But the way to counter abortion is through love, Holy Love, Divine Love.